Wednesday, February 29

its hard to find someone new when the only one im looking for is you











i love the third picture. that girl is meee. well not really but it reminds me of me. black hair, tight skirt and some random guys hand on her butt: that basically sums me up! i love crappy love songs and im currently obsessed with me without you by loick essien. that guy is just amazing.

Monday, February 27

i wanna tattoo a picture of your face on my soul so i'll never forget that fucked up face and the fucked up way it made me feel













the father is leaving!! well for 2 days but im still excited to get the flat to myself. i love having my own space and i can have whoever round here. its gonna be nice. the annoying thing is its during school time but i'll manage. i love these pics today. good job rebecca

Thursday, February 23

i remember we were driving in your car speed so fast felt like i was drunk city lights lay out before us and your arms felt nice around my shoulders and i had a feeling that i belonged















i wish i remembered this photographer. most of these pics are by one guy but i didnt note down his name. all i remember is he is spanish
so these pictures made me think of the tracy chapman song fast car. its a song about wanting so desperately to escape as a teenager and finding that one person who makes you feel you belong and can be anything you wanna be. and then reaching that point again when youre older and settled. i think im a bit of a traveller. im not a very homely person, i love going to interesting places and doing new things. i just wanna explore. but instead im stuck here doing A levels. im so impatient. i just wanna leave and fall in love but neither is gonna be happening just yet. patience patience. 

Monday, February 20

theres a meat market down the street, the boys and the girls watch each other sleep when they really wanna watch each other sleep

this is a non picture post. since this is a new blog you might want to know a bit about me so i very creatively typed into google 'getting to know someone' and i came across this link with 50 questions about myself. well its alot but here goes. i might give up halfway through:

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
My great great auntie

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
Today when i watched 90210

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Yep! other people cant read it but i think its pretty (these questions are so random)

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
umm im not a big meat eater but probably lamb

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
Nope im still in school!

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Yeah im the type of person id go for. i like wierd people and im pretty wierd

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?
Definitely. im english what do you expect?!

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
Yes indeed

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
I think i would. i like to experience things so i think if i got the opportunity i couldnt let it pass by

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
i love love love cereal. at the moment i love coco shreddies but it depends what mood im in. cereal is literally my favourite food, favourite meal ever

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
yep always and i always tie my shoelaces. i feel so wierd not having them tied. its too rebellious for me ;)

12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
Definitely not physically. im skin and bones, not a muscle in sight. except for my legs coz i walk alot. emotionally hmmmm i dont think im strong but id like to think im good with dealing with things coz i know my strengths and more importantly my weaknesses

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
i dont really like ice cream but if i have to it will have to be ben and jerrys half baked

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
hmm im having to think about this one. i think it would have to be hair

15. RED OR PINK?
red its my favourite colour

16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
well my worst personality trait is that i talk alot and im loud. it can be annoying but at the end of the day i would hate to be a quiet shy person and my worst body part is my legs. its a love hate thing

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
right now i miss having a good group of friends. its not like i miss someone the most. i just wish i could be with all my friends again or have some kind of fucking replacement but right now im just friends with randomers

18. WHAT IS THE PAUL MCKENNA TECHNIQUE THAT YOU NEED TO WORK ON THE MOST?
hmm this quiz must be off a dieting website. i dont know paul mckennas techniques im sorry

19. WHAT COLOR SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
im  not wearing any atm. i dont really like wearing shoes but today i was wearing black boots

20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
a yoghurt

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
nothing but the last song i was listening to was last kiss by taylor swift. how depressing

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
well red coz its my favourite

23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
mens aftershave and english tea

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
my best friend on skype

25. MOUNTAIN HIDEAWAY OR BEACH HOUSE?
hmm depends on my mood but right now mountain hideaway

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
i hate tv but if i have to watch something probably swimming i have no idea why

27. HAIR COLOR?
black which has been dyed red but because my natural hair colour is so strong the dye didnt really do much so u can only see it in the sun

28. EYE COLOR?
poo brown

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
nope i have good eyesite thank god

30. FAVORITE FOOD?
hmm i dont really like eating but probably salad or cereal of course!

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Happy endings all the way

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
submarine ahhh the most amazing film

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
black and grey striped jumper. its so comfy

34. SUMMER OR WINTER?
both. i cant decide

35. HUGS OR KISSES?
hugs. i love hugs. im not massively into kissing. maybe ive just kissed too many frogs

36. FAVORITE DESSERT?
hmm something chocolately and throw in a bit of mint too

37. STRENGTH TRAINING OR CARDIO?
hahaha as if i work out

38. COMPUTER OR TELEVISION?
computer all the way. cant remember the last time i turned on the tv. i like to chill with a book and the radio on in the background

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
nothing because i get too addicted to books and then i dont sleep, eat or move and during school time this isnt a good idea. but i love reading so much

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
i have a laptop

42. FAVORITE SOUND?
radio 1. it makes me instantly feel at home

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
dont really like either. its way before my time

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
hmmm this is a geography question! i guess it would be america

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
umm not really. i know tons of lyrics and can always think of a lyric to answer someones question or to make a point. i think other people are more articulate than me so why not use someone elses words? god i sound crazy. i can talk like a normal person. i promise

46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
london then moved to manchester when i was 3 and lived there ever since

47. WHERE ARE YOU LIVING NOW?
just said it

48. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR HOUSE?
i live in a flat. i cant even picture what colour the building is. hmm i have no idea

49. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR CAR?
 wish i had a car

50. DO YOU LIKE ANSWERING 50 QUESTIONS?
god it takes forever


so thats it.

Sunday, February 19

and i tried to be a girl who likes to be used, im too good for that theres a mind under this hat










fuck sake why do i have to fall for a boy? its literally the last thing i want right now. im pretty picky when it comes to falling for boys but god this boy just gets right under my skin. hes just come out of nowhere. hes clever, sarcastic even cute. ahhh this is bad. really bad. i just spend the whole day with him and some other friends and i was trying not to jump on the kid too much. i honestly dont think he feels the same way which is good coz relationships scare me shitless and if anything happens with him its gonna be emotional and scary. thing is if he does feel the same way then i dont think i could say no to him. however scared i am i wouldnt be able to let an opportunity like this pass by.
he doesnt like me. im sure he doesnt like me. ahhh he better not.

Thursday, February 16

but if you stay, girl if you stay youll probably leave later anyway its love made in the usa










hmm so i got disgustingly drunk the other night. i suffered from the hangover from hell yesterday but the thing thats really bothering is the things i said coz my memory of everything that night is a bit fuzzy but i have this one memory that is bothering me. i dont remember how this conversation started but all i remember is this; lying on a sofa, speaking to a guy whos name i hardly know:
me: but have you had sex?
him: no
me: has a girl ever given you head?
him: no
me: (really loudly and adamently) well then you wouldnt know, would you..

wtf was i going on about?! what wouldnt he know?! im just scared what the rest of this conversation was coz i dont really know this kid. whatever. i am never drinking like that again. drinking is really not my thing. my bodys way too sensitive.
and ive done fuck all homework. im dreading school on monday
one day im gonna write really positive posts. just read this through and its so depressing. well im not gonna make up shit. i want this blog to be a place where i can tell things as they are and not have to censor myself or be interesting. i just want it to be an outlet for how im feeling.